“The Future Depends on What You Do Today”

Boundaries – do I really need them?

Do you allow people to take advantage of you? Do you have to fix other people’s problems all the time? Do you feel like you are always pulling the short straw? Answering yes to these questions might point to a lack of healthy boundaries.

Your boundaries are your personal property lines that mark those things for which you are responsible; they define who you are and who you are not. There are a variety of boundaries we should have in place: physical boundaries, emotional boundaries, time boundaries, sexual boundaries, intellectual boundaries, and material/financial boundaries.

Good, healthy boundaries are the side effect of a healthy self-esteem. Thus, in order to build healthy boundaries, you need to work on your self-esteem.

This begs the question: How can you build better boundaries and a better self-esteem?

  1. Make time for self-reflection

You cannot implement boundaries, unless you spend time to think about what you want and need in all the areas where you should have boundaries. Take some time out of your busy schedule and think about who you are, what you want, what makes you comfortable and not comfortable, what is important to you, and what makes you happy. Also think about your different relationships as different relationships might need different boundaries.

This may take days or even weeks. It is ok to spend more time on this very important first step.

  1. Take small steps

Start introducing small steps towards having your boundaries in place. Remember that as much as this is a journey for you, you are also taking others on this journey with you and they also need to adjust to the new rules of engagement.

It is much easier to set boundaries early on. Before you say yes to something, first give your boundaries some thought. And if you are already in a situation that eats into your boundaries, plan how you will put those boundaries in place and take small steps.

  1. Consistency is king

People respond to your boundaries and letting boundaries slide can lead to confusion and even encourage new expectations and demands. Be consistent and you will find that over time people will not push those boundaries as much.

  1. Revisit your boundaries from time to time

Changes in your live might warrant new or different boundaries. It is thus important to make time to reflect on your boundaries and adjust them accordingly.

  1. The power of communication

Communication is critical in the world of boundaries, especially if someone consistently oversteps yours. While you might need to raise your concerns, these discussions should not be confrontational. Take a breath and plan the conversation. And most important: ensure you have the conversation.

  1. Become your own cheerleader

Become aware of your own mind-chatter and change it to positive self-talk. Congratulate yourself when you get things right and encourage yourself before having difficult conversations.

You are your own best friend – treat yourself like a friend.

  1. Recognise the boundaries of others

Others will respect your boundaries if you respect theirs. Their boundaries might be different from yours and the easiest way to know what their boundaries are is to ask about it. It brings us back to the power of communication!

 

It is necessary, and even vital, to set standards and boundaries for your life. Without it, you are a ship without a captain in a storm.