I am working myself to death!

Over the last few weeks, I have met with a number of clients that are working harder during lockdown than ever before and are virtually on the brink of burn-out. Not only do you have to focus on your paying job, but this job has to be balanced with children, housework, the garden, and many many more…

This begs the question: How do you prevent complete burn-out during these tough times?

1. Change your mindset

I know you are rolling your eyes at me! But, bear with me for a moment…

Prior to lockdown you had a variety of support structures in place. A family member, nanny or school looked after the children during the day; you might have had a gardener and domestic worker; at the office someone washed your mug, vacuumed and brought your papers from the printer, etc. For many of us, life has completely changed and your well-organised life has disappeared.

It is just not possible to continue with your old thinking that everything should be organised and perfect. The sooner you change your thinking the sooner you will accept that not every day will be perfect: the kids will cause chaos in the house; the dishes might not be washed tonight; and you will not get all your scheduled work done. It is ok! No-one has died because of dirty dishes, and the boss cannot get to you to wring your neck when the work is not done.

By changing your mind, I do not mean that you should let things be. There must still be order in your life, but make peace with it that it will not look like before.

2. Create a new routine

In my previous blog I spoke about the importance of having a routine (How to stay sane during lockdown). It is now a good time to revisit your routine. Ask yourself whether this routine is sustainable and making sense in your current situation. If needed, change your routine. An unachievable routine and to do list will only make you feel miserable.

3. Speak to your boss

It is now a good time to play open cards with your boss. Does he/she know how many balls you have in the air? Many of you like to keep work and home very separate and your colleagues might not even know about your challenges. These are unfamiliar times and it calls for a different approach. Be open and honest about what you can and cannot do and then work on a plan within those boundaries.

For example: One of my clients, an executive assistant, is a single mom with two kids. Her only quiet time when she can focus uninterruptedly on her paying job is between 5 and 8 in the morning while the kids are still sleeping and again at night from 7 to 10. She has arranged with her boss that she will work during these hours. There is a time delay between his request and her action however, both of them understand that her circumstances have changed and that they need to work differently. It took her a long time to tell him how much she is struggling and it was only when she missed a very important task that she realised she has to speak to him. To her surprise and delight he was very understanding.

4. Think out of the box

You all know the saying: There is more than one way to skin a cat.

You don’t have to do all the work in the garden in a single day. Perhaps you do a little bit every day. And get the kids to partake – make it a fun event for all. You don’t have to clean the house all in one go. Take one room a day. It is also a good time to teach the kids some skills like: making their beds, picking up their clothes, putting dirty mugs in the sink, etc.

5. Have a house meeting

Although a meeting with the toddlers might not be a good idea, it is definitely a good idea to agree on house rules and to get everyone to take some responsibility, no matter how small.

Agree upfront with your partner who will take care of what on which day. This is not the time to have hang-ups about “my job” and “your job” around the house. Many of us are still programmed to belief that certain tasks have to done by a man and some others by a woman. It is now a good time to call out those behaviours and beliefs, and change them. In most households both parents are working and although the one might have a higher paying job than the other, it does not make the one job superior or exonerate that individual from partaking in what might seem routine tasks.

Meet and agree on the way forward. Treat it like a proper meeting. In a proper meeting we do not use the time to complain or point fingers, but rather to find solutions for our problems and agree on the plan of action.

6. Have some me-time

We all need a couple of minutes to clear our heads, put our feet up and just be. Even if you can only afford 10 minutes to do this, it is better than nothing.

Me-time can make you a better person both inside and out. It can help you avoid irritability and enable you to control your emotions. The lack of time to yourself can cause you to build up resentments that can harm both you and your relationships. When you spend all your time filling other people’s cups, it’s likely that yours will run empty. Sometimes, especially when we’re tired, we may become angry about giving so much.

When you travel by plane, they always tell you during the safety briefing that you should first put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. Me-time is your oxygen mask.

Everything passes; good times and bad times. This too shall pass. While you’re in it, make the best of it and one day you will think back of these tough times with fond memories. Until next time…