We experience so many setbacks along the way…not getting the job I put my heart on, not passing the exam, not getting an increase, and many many more. These setbacks could have a rather crippling effect unless we learn how to handle them. Here are a couple of tips:
- Accept what you cannot change
What happened, happened and not all the tears in the world will change that. Perhaps you want to tell yourself out loud that what happened, happened and that you prefer not to dwell in the past. If it truly is something that you are powerless to change, then it is important to recognise the reality of the situation so you do not waste valuable time and energy trying to turn things around.
Acceptance is not an admission of failure. It merely means that you are willing to learn and grow from the current situation.
- Allow yourself time to grief
It is absolutely normal to feel a whole host of negative emotions that come with the setback. Do not deprive yourself the opportunity to grief; allow yourself some time for self-pity. To pretend that you are not disappointed, frustrated or angry will not make it any better; it only delays the healing process. Acknowledge how you feel, but steer clear from blaming yourself or others.
- Forgive and let go
The only way to steer clear from blaming yourself and others is by forgiveness. This means that you have to commit to letting go. This might take some time however, the sooner you get on the path of forgiveness, the sooner you will be able to let go. Let go of your resentment and anger, and focus on all the good stuff and what you have learned from the experience. The experience has shaped you and made you stronger and the more you focus on that, the easier it becomes to let go of the negative emotions.
- Do not be controlled by self-doubt
Self-doubt involves lingering thoughts about a situation that serves no purpose. They usually involve thoughts about what you might have done or said differently. The only problem is that it is too late to act on those thoughts.
Second-guessing yourself after the fact does nothing to change the situation. It is what it is. Keeping your eye on the future and how you can change that future should be your focus.
- Learn from the experience
There is always something to learn from every setback. Our lives are a continuous learning process and by focusing on the learning you can change the future.
Analysing what went wrong in a situation is not the same as self-doubt. Self-doubt involves getting caught up in the past. Learning from an experience is about the future. Being able to learn from a situation gives you the ability to have better outcomes going forward. And yes, it is hard to learn from the experience, especially if you only want to hide away however, those who learn will concur!
- Improve your foundation
Recovering from a setback should in fact begin before the situation even happened. The more solid your foundation, the harder it will be to knock you down, and the easier it will be to recover and adjust. So, make an effort to build that into your new plan. This could well include maintaining good physical health, getting enough sleep, and putting a support system in place.
- Take action!
Once you have followed the above steps it is time to get moving. If the situation still seems a bit overwhelming, just do a few little things at first to get the momentum; baby steps are ok, as long as you are moving forward.
A major life setback does not have to be the end of the world. With the right perspective, attitude, and plan, you can have a very bright future.
Recovery is full of ups and downs; there is no such thing as a linear life. You have the choice to change your stumbling block to a stepping stone!