How do you find happiness?

So much have been said and written about happiness, yet it seems to be one of the most elusive emotions out there… There is not a single person who will tell you that they don’t want happiness however, so many don’t seem to find it.

Like with all emotions, you can experience happiness on different levels: from being ecstatic to a deeper feeling of satisfaction with life. Although there is nothing wrong with an ecstatic feeling, these intense feelings do not last forever. In order to find true happiness, you need to focus on the much deeper and longer-lasting feeling of true satisfaction with life.

So often I hear people say that once they meet the right guy or girl, they will be happy. Or once they work for a different boss, they will be happy. Another person cannot provide you with long-lasting happiness; your happiness is entirely in your own hands.

What can you do to find happiness?

1. Choose what you focus on

There is whole spectrum of emotions and it would be rather naïve to think that you can completely escape all these emotions. From time to time we will feel sad, angry, scared, ashamed, hurt, etc. These emotions make you human. It is also human to focus on the negatives in life and compare all your hardship with that of others.

What is important is not to dwell on (and in!) these emotions. You can choose whether you want to continue to be stuck in those emotions or whether you would like to move forward. So, watch your language and actions – Do you only focus on all the negatives in your life when you speak to others? Do you often compare your life with others and find your life to be so much harder? Do you spend more time talking about things that went wrong for you as opposed to things that went right? Should you answer yes to any of these questions it means that your focus needs to be altered.

To correct your focus require you to pay moment-by-moment attention to your thoughts. You need to monitor your thoughts every moment of the day; the moment your focus moves to the negative, you need to correct your course and find something positive to focus on. By saying this I don’t mean that you should lose track of reality and of the situation. Circumstances do not matter, only your state of mind matters.

The more you practice these skills the easier it will become – remember, you would like to install a new habit and habits need repetition to be properly installed in your mind.

2. Get to know and accept yourself

True introspection is a wonderful experience. Once a month, take some time to write down things about yourself – things that you really like (your strengths) and things that you would like to change (areas for development). Make sure there is balance: if you come up with five strengths, you should not have more than five areas for development.

Many individuals find it very hard to identify their strengths. It is merely the result of our continuous focus on the negative. Again, it is a skill you need to practice in order for the habit to be installed.

Make self-acceptance your intention by celebrating your strengths. For example: start with something basic like acknowledging out loud (to yourself) that you are a kind person and give yourself examples where you exhibited this trade. Focus consciously only on the positive.

Self-acceptance results in self-love and without self-love you cannot truly love others or be open to love.

3. Learn the lesson and then move on

In every situation there is a lesson and your objective should be to learn the lesson. Every time you have a less pleasant experience, ask yourself what is the lesson you can learn from this. Make the lesson your own and then move on. Not moving on deprives you from new experiences, learnings and happiness.

Granted, it is sometimes easier said than done – seek help if you cannot do it on your own.

4. Live a life of gratitude

I would like to refer you to my blog: The attitude of appreciation. Even in the toughest of times, there is something to be grateful for! The more you adopt the attitude of appreciation, the more love and happiness you will attract into your life.

5. Forgiveness for self and others

This is a tough one! It is after all much easier to cling to the resentment than granting forgiveness. The easiest way to grant forgiveness to yourself and others is to empathise and try to understand the act from the wrongdoer’s point of view. Often you will find that the ‘perpetrator’ had a good intention, perhaps self-preservation – it does not excuse the act, but helps us to understand the intention.

Recall a time in your life when you were forgiven and remember how it felt. Hold on to the forgiveness. Forgiveness is not complete unless you can let go of your anger, fear, hurt and desire for retaliation.

6. Engage in meaningful activities

When you have emotions of unhappiness, you often tend to seclude yourself from others. When you are on your own it is just so much easier to mope about the unfairness of life!

Become involved in more meaningful relationships. A meaningful relationship fosters two-way communication, respect, honesty, empathy and purpose. It can be with friends, family or volunteer your time for a social project. There are so many social projects: soup kitchens, helping children read, visiting the old-age, animal shelters, and many many more.

The focus should be on volunteering your time, not your money. It is only when you give of yourself that you truly give. Only then you will feel that you belong and are part of the greater good.

In conclusion: Happy people are people that allow themselves to experience the full spectrum of emotions without dwelling on the negative emotions, they see the good in situations despite the circumstances, they forgive themselves and others, they love themselves, give love and can receive love. Happiness is not a destination, but merely the side product of a meaningful life!