How to stop second-guessing yourself

Happy 2025; may it be a fantastic year for you!

Second-guessing yourself can be a fantastic self-preservation tool – it is all about look before you leap and it keeps you from making a false move. However, like with all things in life, too much second-guessing could be a hindrance that stop you from achieving your ultimate goals and purpose in life.

In this month’s blog I focus on some practical steps you can take to lessen second-guessing yourself.

1. Become aware of your thoughts

Have you noticed how your mind is continuously running? You never stop thinking and there seems to be no “off” button for your thoughts. And typically human, you continue to focus on the negative: What if my decision is wrong? What if there was a better way? What if I get it wrong?

Become aware of those thoughts! It is only when you become aware that you can change them and deliberately change direction towards more positive thoughts, for example: reflecting of everything that you can be grateful for, focusing on what have gone right during the day, etc.

2. Put it on paper

Things become more tangible when you put them on paper as opposed to when you merely ponder on them. When you put all those negative thoughts and second-guessing on paper, it is much easier to tackle one problem at a time and even to realise how silly some of those thoughts are.

Wherever you are, grab a piece of paper and write down your thoughts. Once done, evaluate them: identify the silly thoughts and write next to them: silly thought. For the others, write down your three or four-step plan to tackle the problem.

It is also a good idea to change the questions you ask of yourself to a positive format. Instead of asking: What if your decision is wrong, rather ask: What if my decision is right?

3. Ask: why

What is the rout course of you second-guess yourself?

There is never a single reason. And don’t think that the answer is as simple as: your upbringing. Second-guessing yourself is in essence self-doubt. Doubt builds up over time and becomes bigger and bigger when not addressed. There is thus a first and one single trigger, but the build-up is often the result of multiple triggers.

Ask for help. When you have a cold, you go to the doctor. Why not seek help when you get overwhelmed by second-guessing yourself?

4. Learn from mistakes

In life we not only learn what we should do, but also what we shouldn’t do. In everything there is a lesson, even if the lesson is just what approach or actions don’t work.

Learn the lesson and move on.

It might be a good idea to also remember that others also make mistakes. It is part of life and should not be a trigger for second-guessing all future decisions you make. Go easy on yourself.

You are not who you were yesterday and you are not who you will be tomorrow. So, make peace with that. Life is full of second chances. How many times does a baby fall before he/she can walk?

Why do you think that the rest of life would be any different?

5. See yourself as a leader

If you don’t envision yourself as a leader, and you’re always insecure about your choices, you may never trust yourself. Visualise yourself as a leader that have to direct the actions and thoughts of someone else with exactly the same challenge as you. What will you tell them to do? What steps would you suggest they follow?

Now do exactly that.

6. Focus on the present

The past has happened and cannot be undone. The future is yet to happen.

It’s most likely not going to solve anything if you’re going to beat yourself up over past mistakes. Stop reverting back because of your fears and make decisions by focusing on the present. The past is merely teaching us what to do and what not to do. Now focus on the present and only on what you know now.

One should make the best choice possible given the circumstances, and then avoid second-guessing for the sake of one’s own sanity. Lisa Kleypas